50 is the New 50

Here in America, youth is worshipped. Older women are often ignored or treated with disdain. Unlike in countries like France and Italy – where women like Inès de la Fressange, Catherine Deneuve, Miuccia Prada or Sophia Loren are seen as iconic, respected and admired not only for their beauty, but also for their wisdom, vitality and a certain je ne sais quoi – women in the west are mostly judged by the poutiness of their lips, the perkiness of their breasts and how pleasing they are to men.

In a culture obsessed with fame, beauty and cellulite-free thighs, it takes a certain kind of quiet power to step away from the fray and follow your own path. The kind of power that comes from living 50 years, not 25. Power that comes from a willingness to do hard things, look inside instead of constantly seeking outside approval, and walk away from what no longer serves you.

Real power is the willingness to like yourself more than your need to fit in.

As a young woman I spent a lot of time worrying about other people. What will they think? Will they like me? Do I need to twist myself into a pretzel to please them? I took on the responsibility of making others happy, sometimes at the expense of my own joy.

I was taught to respect authority, to speak when spoken to and to be a “good girl.” As you can imagine, this didn’t do a lot for my confidence or my ability to connect to my voice.

I spent a lot of my 20’s and 30’s pretzel-twisting. Because when you are unaware – and unsure – of your own power, you tend to give it away to other people. When you think other people – friends, family, mentors, significant others – have all the answers, you relinquish the opportunity to dive within and find the answers that are most important to you.

What I know at 50 is that no one is going to give you the answers. You earn them for yourself.

What I know at 50 is that happiness is a daily choice, a choice about where to focus your attention and how you perceive the world. Skinny doesn’t make you happy, nor does marriage. There is no perfect man, simply a man who’s willing to take your hand, do the work with you and grow together.

I’ve lived enough life – and disentangled myself enough from the poisonous clutches of the patriarchy – to know that a man isn’t going to save me. I’ve learned that if I offend a man (and even some women) by speaking out and using my voice, so be it. I’m no longer interested in diluting my opinions to please others.

50 is about taking back your power. It’s about speaking your truth without fear of retribution. And if there happens to be any backlash, at 50? You just don’t give a shit.

As Oprah eloquently said during her acceptance speech as the first African-American woman to receive the Cecile B. De Mille Award at the Golden Globes, “What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have.”

For many women like myself, 50 is about stepping into the truth of who you are.

When we get out of our own way and allow our truth to surface, there’s no stopping us. There is no obstacle, detour or dark day that can truly flatten us. Ever again.

Would I prefer to have fewer lines on my face, less pain in my knees and a tighter ass? Sure, why not. But would I trade it for the truth I have discovered and the power I have stepped into? Not a chance.

50 is acceptance – most importantly, of myself.

50 is freedom from expectations – my own and others.

50 is alignment – knowing that my values are aligned with my words and my actions, which brings true peace of mind. The highest prize.

50 is glorious.

50 is the new 50.